Strong lions, swift eagles and pastor bars.

2. Stong lions, swift eagles and pastor bars.png

Its new year’s eve, and being the good christian that I am, I decide to go to church. Whenever I go to church on new year’s eve, I don’t want to be in the front row. Somewhere in between is my preference. My reason being, when people come for the watch night service;

1. They pray the hardest
2. Dance the hardest.
3. Shout the loudest and hardest

In fact, they do everything the hardest. In trying to be the hardest them, they  sometimes make the most ridiculous gestures.

With this thought in mind, I set off for church. On arrival, the usher directs me to the front row. I would have ignored her, but every other seat in the main church was occupied. A refusal would have meant sitting outside in the lobby.  Besides, prayers were ongoing, and I had a secret agenda. So with some quite grumbling I took my seat. You might wonder, why am I grumbling? The reason is simple, the front row doesn’t favor mischief. Gives you a good view of proceedings, but mischief no.

Having taken my seat, I took a quick look around. On entering I had seen the guy leading the prayers bent double in a funny pose. My thoughts were to take a few quick photos of him. With the prayers still in session, this seemed the right moment. Whole church was blind to me. Looking around, I made eye contact with the usher, quickly I averted my eyes and pretended to join the prayers.

With my eyes closed I made a move to take my phone out, But wait, I could still feel the eyes on me. You know that feeling you have when someone is watching you. I had it big time. So what did I do? I actually did join the prayers for real, and let the moment pass.

During the worship no opportunity presented itself. Praises, same thing. And then the pastor got on stage. He changed it all.

Suffice to say he killed it with his quotes. First line was; “Haaaaaaleluuuujah!!” Response was a bit slow so he goes like; “Is this a CEMETERY or a SANCTUARY”. that got the congregation going. He then tells them:” 2016 is your year, I give you the SPEED OF AN EAGLE,  the STRENGTH OF A LION and the STAMINA OF AN OX”.  Congregation just couldn’t stand it now.. Come see people shouting, trying to outdo each other. If God was nowhere at all, He was in that church.

Pastor didn’t stop there,  he continues with: “In 2016, you shall have no problems, you’ll be problem’s problem”. From there he introduces the sermon, which, with it being a watch night service was about prosperity. Dominion over the earth he said. Man shall have dominion and control over everything. “.. In fact you’ll have dominion in your back pocket, and that is where he will stay.. Shabalabala”

Let’s just say, by the time he was done, we were all hyped and ready to go to war with 2016.

So this new year, taking a cue from the pastor I say to you: “May your forehead be as big as Rihanna’s and shield you from the curses and disease ridden rays of your enemies”. Can I get an Amen..

Author: OsugyaniAbrantie


7 thoughts on “Strong lions, swift eagles and pastor bars.”

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